It's My Birthday. Let's Get Personal.
Let me tell you how my birthday month has treated me thus far.
My gallbladder attacked me twice over the August long weekend (here in Canada). The first time, and what I thought was the last time, it demanded attention was when I was 36 weeks pregnant and it decided to spit out a gallstone that landed me in the hospital for a solo babymoon that had awful room service.
It shouldn't have come as a huge surprise this time around since I've been dealing with some intense hormonal fluctuations this past year. And I'm forever grateful that it led to some great conversations with my newest osteopath. I didn't think I was really connecting with her but now I realize that she was the best person to work with while we calmed this itty bitty organ of mine down.
Next, I had the opportunity to celebrate the solar eclipse with an ever so special biopsy on one of my lady parts!
It was the kind where they tell you that you only need to take an Advil an hour before because it won't hurt too much.
I'm not sorry that I gave the student doctor cut eye when she seemed way too enthusiastic to take over from my specialist. "Don't fuck it up" was what I really wanted to say, but glaring at her was all I could manage.
And while this specialist wouldn't have been my first choice, he has surprised me with how much information he gives me. (I love info.!) He also respects, and understands, the fact that I won't make a decision until we have all of these test results... even though I feel he can be pushy in getting me to choose something.
He and I have battled in the past, but we were able to laugh about it when I reminded him where we first met. (In case you were wondering, I totally won that battle!)
He is a specialist in his field, and I am the specialist of my body and I can be relentless.
There has also been some seriously good juju sent my way when I decided to share what I've been going through with some friends (and strangers). I've received encouraging and supportive words, virtual high fives, and there was even a beautiful feather waiting for me by my car door when I left my house for the hospital (I've got a thing for feathers so I took it as a good sign).
I've been soaking in a lot more love than worry, more humour than sadness and I've only let myself wander down the awful "what-if" path a few times. I've even managed to excuse myself early from some of my own pity parties.
And lastly, I just walked out of my MRI (that was scheduled at the asscrack of dawn on my birthday) because my doctor decided to not trust the diagnosis that came from an ultrasound. (Seems he has a thing for info. too!)
Now don't get me wrong. Other than having to wake up earlier than expected on my birthday, I really do appreciate having a specialist that wants to determine the root cause (or at least get closer to knowing why something is happening) of my problems and I am ever so grateful that I got an appointment for a scan within a month of it being requested. I'm positive that this will lead to some calmer days, and I'd rather know what's going on so that I can figure out how to work with it than to choose not to know or do anything. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
However, my plans for making you some new things have changed and I'm trying to be ok with that. My patience practice is weak because I want to do all the things (ALL. THE. THINGS.) yesterday.
I know that rest and downtime are so valuable and yet I'm really good at talking myself out of making them a priority. Well, at least until my body forces me to slow down.
Cheers to you having a kinder birthday month.